Skip the Audition
Practices to Assume Your Role and Embrace Rehearsal
The latest pattern I’ve noticed among my clients is the clear sense that they have not yet assumed their roles. Even after earning the title and seat at the leadership table, they describe a feeling that their positional power is not certain. Instead, they’re still auditioning.
Many of us are hardwired to seek approval from others. We slip into an am I good enough? mindset, conflating our work product with our own personal value. But once a leader approaches the inner circle, that regular praise often begins to fade. In turn, I observe a more frantic pace on the work treadmill coupled with a dizzying hope for recognition.
This cycle is crushing.
Always auditioning robs us of our power to share our unique, hard-earned perspective. When we feel constantly evaluated or judged, it keeps us from creatively experimenting and performing at our best. It prevents the flow of alternate ideas and possibilities. It blocks our chance to fully lead with vision and conviction.
Different from imposter syndrome that causes self doubt in deserving our role, the audition mode keeps us guessing whether we’ll even be given the part. It’s imposter syndrome’s precursor.
There are a few techniques to handle the instinct to audition for self-regulation and when communicating with others. I’ll start with exercises you can adopt for yourself.
Log Your Accomplishments. Many of us resist creating a mental brag board (let alone a written one!), but keeping one handy allows you to cement your capabilities and success with overcoming obstacles. Remembering in detail that you have achieved great things is fuel for the next wave of hard goals.
Assemble Your Champions. Whether you call them your personal board of directors or your informal mentors, these select few know your strengths and see you as a whole, capable person full of limitless potential. They might be your childhood best friend, your former coworker, or your mom, but they believe in your capabilities without question and can easily remind you of it.
Get Grounded. Audition energy can leave us untethered. If we’re feeling evaluated and judged, we often don’t present at our best. Maybe we talk too much or too quickly, or perhaps we withdraw. In either scenario, our energy isn’t grounded. Before stepping into an environment that feels like an audition, root yourself first with ten deep breaths. Operate as if you have the job without question. Some dislike the term “fake it til you make it,” but to fully inhabit a role you’ve got to wear the costume and act the part. If you wait until you’re 100% confident, you’ll never begin.
Next, let’s consider ways you can communicate with others to skip the audition.
Clarify the End in Mind. When we’re second guessing ourselves, it’s easy to pray-and-spray. We throw a lot of things at the wall to see what sticks out of hope that something will be adored by our audience. Instead, what’s needed is sharper clarity. Focus. Precision about what matters. By clarifying the End in Mind or purpose of your meeting/project/initiative, you can get aligned on what’s important and increase your chances of success.
Create a Dialogue, not a Monologue. I see two patterns emerge when people are in audition mode: one, they work themselves up from preparation and over-talk, forgetting to slow down, listen, and connect with their audience (often their boss); or two, they are silent, desperate to find cues from others about the right direction, and they slip into order-taking mode. To resist these two paths, a dialogue is essential. Ask better questions. Replay what your heard to check for understanding. Gain permission to either go into more detail or keep things high level. A dialogue ensures you’re positioned more as a peer, rather than a subordinate auditioning.
Co-Create the Vision of Success. A cousin to the End in Mind, the vision for success will ensure you’re heading in the right direction. For example, if you’re in a meeting and receiving harsh criticism, rather than slip into audition mode, you might pause and ask, “Can you describe what success looks like to you by the end of this project, so I know we’re aligned?” Ask for feedback, but be a co-creator. Collaborate on a shared vision of success.
Finally, I’m not suggesting you skip the audition to be performative. There may be a time to perform and be the showman at the town hall or board meeting. But most of work is about rehearsing. It’s that magical, inventive, collaborative space of trying new things, experimenting, observing, listening, and learning. It’s a chance to work out the kinks and develop a rhythm for working together, ideally continuously improving. So skip the audition. You’re in the room. You belong. Take up some space in your role and make something of it. It’s time to play.
A summer sunset keeps me grounded
Getting Your Feedback
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Will you take 10 seconds out of your day to offer me some feedback?
And if there’s something else you’d value reading, let me know that, too. I love hearing from you.
Chocolate Covered Broccoli
Summer is officially waning. Last week, my son wrapped up his summer camp program, which has also served as his after-school care since kindergarten. A rising fourth grader, this year he ages out of it, so I asked him what it felt like to say a final goodbye to his teachers.
“Kinda happy and kinda sad,” he decided. “Both at the same time. Like chocolate covered broccoli.”
I guess that sums up the end of summer. We’re a little happy (hello, cooler weather and more consistent routines) and a little sad (fewer lazy days and spontaneous excursions). We can hold both at the same time.
Wishing you end-of-summer moments of joy and quiet reflection as you contemplate the chocolate covered broccoli in your life.
I’m usually a chocolate dessert person, but this bright mango and pineapple pavlova with vanilla cream was summer’s end in one fresh bite.